2nd Edition: Paperback; 258 Pages Price: $19.00  Deliver for as little as $4 Availability Usually ships next US Mail day Publisher: New Harbinger ISBN: 978-1-57224-690-4

Stop Walking on Eggshells, written by my friend and mentor Randi Kreger with Paul Mason, is a groundbreaking book in the family effects of abusive personality disorders. While this book was written with borderline personality disorder in mind, much of the book applies equally well to borderline, narcissistic, and sociopathic disorders. In fact, as I've learned more and more about the experiences of many people living with partners and family members who have these disorders, it becomes clearer that a "pure" disorder is rare. In reality, disordered behaviors seem mostly to fall in a region overlapping all three disorders. So Stop Walking on Eggshells' explanation of behaviors and defense mechanisms isn't limited to just borderline disorder.

Before I wrote my own comprehensive explanation of the behaviors of abusers in Meaning from Madness, I recommended Stop Walking on Eggshells to nearly all Tears and Healing readers, because it describes disordered behavior well. Now, I recommend Meaning from Madness first, because of its broader scope, focusing on all three abusive disorders: borderline, narcissistic, and sociopathic, and because Meaning from Madness boils these disorders down to a simple essence - one founded in my own observation vs. the technical criteria used by mental health professionals.

Stop Walking on Eggshells is still a valuable resource for anyone who wants a broader understanding of how to cope with these disorders, or a more detailed look at borderline personality disorder. Eggshells offers several coping strategies for living with a disordered partners, something I don't. Eggshells is a longer book devoting more words to its subject. If you've read my books you know I tend to say things in a few words. Sometimes more words are easier to grasp. And Eggshells uses lots of anecdotal teaching, something that makes it easy to relate to, and again something I tend not to use.

Among the book's strengths:

• Chapter 2 gives an in depth look at the BPD diagnostic criteria. If you're look at the criteria for any of these three disorders, you'll find this helps you to understand what the criteria definitions mean. Chapter 2 also looks at behaviors, patterns of thought, and myths.
• Chapter 3 offers a valuable explanation of defense mechanisms, like projection and dissociation, that can help you understand the dynamics underlying disordered behavior. It also explains living with abuse becomes brainwashing and how disordered people can cycle between extremes of feeling and valuation of you.
• Chapters 4 and 5 talk about how abusive behavior can affect you, and offers some ways that you adjust your attitude to make yourself healthier.
• Chapters 6 and 7 offer approaches to cope with abusive behavior, and explain personal boundaries and how you can use them to make your situation more livable.
• Chapters 7 and 8 offer plans for making yourself and your children safer in an abusive situation.

My own three books, Tears and Healing, Meaning from Madness, and In Love and Loving It - Or Not! offer my best guidance on how to deal with and heal from an abusive relationship. After these, my first recommendation is Stop Walking on Eggshells.