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When you're coming to grips with the discovery that a partner or family member may have a personality disorder, or you first begin to take steps to deal with someone's abusive behavior, the information that confronts you can be overwhelming. It's obvious that some of the things you read about apply, but putting together a clear picture can still be difficult.

Now you can take advantage of my experience and insight to help you face this challenge. I've been mentoring people through online groups since 2000. I've read extensively about relationships and the personality disorders most often seen in abusive situations - borderline, narcissistic, and antisocial (sociopathic). And I've been talking in consultation since 2005 with people struggling with abusive situations. Together these experiences give me a commanding understanding of the family experience of living with a disordered abuser. My background is outlined below.

Most of my personal consultations follow a similar course. In general, it takes people 20-25 minutes to lay out the history of their relationship (often several relationships) so that I have a sense of what they're facing. With that background, I usually begin by explaining which personality disorder dynamics make most sense for the behaviors that have been described. I also spend some time explaining the psychological defense mechanisms that disordered people use, to make sense of some of the behavior patterns. If you find my writing insightful, imagine that level of insight applied to the specifics of your situation and explained specifically for you. Most people find it very enlightening. I share some client comments below.

Since my offering is consulting, as opposed to counseling or therapy, I spend a significant part of each session giving my interpretation, explanations, and recommendations. Almost always, I spend part of the time offering suggestions for what each client can do to move toward their goals around their current relationship and their desired future relationships. Consistent with my belief that no one else can make major life decisions for us, I never tell people what is right or wrong for them.

Often I get a sense of the basic underlying desires that people have, and I give suggestions for both personal learning and personal growth activities that people can use to move closer to their goals. Many of the people I talk with feel some shame for the decisions and choices they have made. I ensure people that their choices usually have been perfectly reasonable, and that everyone struggles to cope with the deception and controlling behaviors of abusers.

Most people use one 50 min consultation, and this enough to answer many questions and lay out a basic path forward. Some clients choose to talk again after taking a few weeks to process what we've discussed. Many take they insight they gain from the consultation back to their counselors or therapists to follow up there.

Consultations are by phone. To arrange a consultation, please email or phone me at the contacts above. After we've arranged a time, you can make payment here (the payment link is also at the bottom of the home page beneath the book packages):

If you'd like to pay first, that's ok, but please call or email (see page top) to arrange a time. Your purchase is processed automatically so it may not be seen.

What Clients Say:

Consulting with you was one of the wisest investments I've made in quite a while. I remain in awe of how inadequate I felt to accurately describe my current situation/problem. Yet somehow you managed to quickly decipher the critical issues and provide me with more useful commentary/sound advice than either of the therapists (MDs) I had worked with for months. Your analyses and suggestions were dead on! In fact, I journaled them, so that I could review each one daily until they become part of a permanent new belief system and I'm able to act on them accordingly. Thank you for guiding me closer to the light of accepting what is... --Marianne

Thank you Richard for our too brief but very, very helpful consultation.. I have grown stronger from your words of understanding and validation. Thank you. --Nancy

The 50 minute private session I had with you was more helpful than hours and hours of therapy. It truly showed that I had a situation that was "crazy making" and that I was not crazy. I am following your advice and have begun to find the peace I hear others talk about. Thanks --G.

My Background and Qualifications:

• Author and Publisher of Tears and Healing, The journey to the light after an abusive relationship; Meaning from Madness, Understanding the Hidden Patterns that Motivate Abusers: Narcissists, Borderlines, and Sociopaths; In Love and Loving It - Or Not! A User's Guide to Love and Falling Love; and The Way of Respect, Ancient Wisdom Adapted for Today.

• Mentor to others in abusive relationships, in online support groups, 2000-2006

• Author and Publisher of the Path to the Light and Tears and Healing web sites, 2001-2006

• Owner and moderator of the TearsandHealing yahoo group- an online support group 2004-2006

• Graduate Certificate in Sport Psychology, Capella U, 2004

• Engineering Consultant, DuPont Engineering, 1982-2004

• MS in Chemical Engineering, Michigan State U, 1982

• BS in Biochemistry, Michigan State U, 1978

I am not a licensed mental health care provider and I do not treat mental illness. I offer consulting, not diagnosis or treatment. I recommend that everyone consulting with me should take advantage of counseling or therapy. 

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