Surviving the Storm
Strategies and Realities when divorcing a Narcissist
by Richard Skerritt
|
|
$24.00 -Softcover -
by mail
|
|
|
$24.00 -E-book -
by email, immediately
|
|
|
$30.00-Quick-Pack-
e-book and softcover
|
Divorcing a Narcissist?
Harness the illness to move you toward settlement.
(with selected pages from Surviving
the Storm)
You may have thought that living with your troubled spouse was hard. But now that
you’ve reached the point of divorce, you probably already know that this can be
ever harder. Narcissistic behavior can be labeled as borderline, sociopathic, narcissistic,
or just intolerable, but it all derives from one fundamental driving force: narcissists
can’t tolerate criticism, especially public criticism. And divorcing them is about
them most direct and public criticism you can make. You’ll know you’re there when
your soon-to-be ex spouse begins a campaign of destruction against you. And if you
don’t know how to respond and deal with it, it can take a terrible toll.
With all the different ways that people characterize narcissism, you'd think
you should be facing a crying toddler or a dapper dandy polishing his nail on his
jacket. But the truth is that narcissists don't love themselves, and
they're not toddlers disguised as adults. All narcissists are driven
by a pathological, irrational terror that others will find fault with them.
This leads to irrational and baffling behaviors. A father who never wanted anything
to do with his children suddenly demands sole custody. A wife who's raging and
irrational demands have been unbearable will suddenly decry her husband as unstable
and abusive. A spouse who was never home demands to keep the house, and it goes
on.
|
|
-Softcover -
by mail
|
|
|
-E-book -
by email, immediately
|
|
|
-Quick-Pack -
e-book and softcover
|
If you've reach the point of divorce, or you're close, you're probably
already reached a point where your spouse feels faulted just from your presence.
Of course it's irrational; it's a mental disorder causing it. Narcissists
seem unable to heal the psychological injury they feel when make mistakes or when
they're criticized, and these wounds fester and linger. After years together,
the cumulation of experiences with you adds up to so much discomfort that your spouse
may be constantly angry and accusative with you. This is part of the unstoppable
deterioration that most of us experience in a relationship with a narcissist.
But divorce is a step even beyond this: a public and highly visible statement that
your spouse is not fit to be with. The public visibility of this is intolerable
to narcissists, and they're disordered minds resort to drastic and hurtful responses
to counter the accusation, and to fight for a settlement which makes the narcissist
look virtuous and you look like the cause of all problems.
Once you understand this dynamic, you can start to pick your way through this minefield.
This is where Surviving the Storm can help. In it, I lay out the psychological drivers
you're facing and explain how your choices and settlement demands interact.
If you approach divorcing a narcissist like a calm business negotionation, chances
are you'll be pulverized. Surviving the Storm can help you make decisions
that minimize the upset to your disordered spouse and maximize the possibility of
getting a fair settlement in a reasonable time. There are no magic bullets, as you
already know, but you can avoid pouring gasoline on what is already a blazing fire.
|
|
-Softcover -
by mail
|
|
|
-E-book -
by email, immediately
|
|
|
-Quick-Pack -
e-book and softcover
|
Once you realize you need Surviving the Storm , you should consider one of
the packages that contain it, the
Small Storm Pack
or the
Big Storm Pack
. With the Small Storm Pack, you'll get
Tears
& Healing
, my popular first-person guide to dealing with your emotions and decisions in an
abusive relationship.
Meaning
from Madness
explains your partners illness and behavior in a simple and practical way that won't
tangle you up in confusing, overlapping lists of traits and behaviors. The Big Storm
Pack adds my book about love, attaction, and avoiding falling for another disordered
person:
In Love and
Loving It - or Not!
, and the book with my latest insights on abusive disorders and life with someone
that has them:
Tears
and Healing Reflections
.
Reader comments on Surviving the Storm:
Reviewer: Mirella
I read Surviving The Storm after I left my husband of 22 years and it helped
me tremendously to understand why two years of mediation was not working out. I
realized that the only way I was going to get a divorce and a reasonable settlement
was to hire a lawyer. Although I already knew about manipulators and narcissism,
your book was a detailed godsend and opened up a whole new perception of reality
for me.
The divorce was final this year, and now I realize I need to read your Meaning from
Madness and Tears and Healing writings. I believe your books will
once again open up a new perception of reality for me while answering some of my
questions.
Reviewer: Barbara
Surviving the Storm is worth its weight in platinum and I am on my second read through
it. For my personal life, it is the most liberating book I have ever read. I want
to thank you from the bottom of my heart for it. I know it was written from your
blood, sweat, and tears.
Reviewer: Cecile
So interesting and moving reading !! I unfortunately recognize what I lived - and
suffered a lot from - but that relieves me so much to know that there is an explanation
and the "fault" is essentially not mine!! Thank you!
About the Author
Richard Skerritt is a writer, inventor, engineer, and athlete. A survivor of a marriage
that turned abusive, he forged a path through confusion, love, obligation, and emotional
damage to safety and truer life. His experience and insight, shared in Tears and
Healing, originated in his contributions to online support groups for people
in relationships with a partner who has borderline personality disorder. He has
been a respected contributor and mentor in these groups for the past four years.
His writing and publishing work now includes six books
(see them all here)and
he continues to help people through books, daily
email messages
, and phone consultation. Not a mental health professional, his perspectives and
guidance "from the inside out" have been especially relevant for people
in abusive relationships. More information about Richard is
here.
Selected pages from
Surviving the Storm