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Falling in Love...
Old black and white movies; Beauty and the Beast;
happily ever after: man, we all want to fall in love. It’s the way the universe
tells us who we belong with forever and ever. Nothing could be better. And sometimes,
it works out that way… and sometimes
not...
Probably you've thought about falling love. Maybe you
thought you understood what it was all about... until it happened. Then suddenly
you were faced with crashing waves of emotions and discovered that the shore is
sometimes rocky. Then you may have wondered:
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What is this strange phenomenon we call "falling in love"?
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Why did I fall in love with him, or her?
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Why didn't he (or she) love me back?
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Why do I fall in love in the first place?
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What's the difference between falling in love and loving?
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What do love and falling in love have to do with a good
marriage?
Did you know that your mind works on more than one level?
Of course you are aware of the reasoning - the thoughts that your mind is always
processing. But did you know that underneath this, your mind subtly works on another
level - one that we can only recognize by its influence through feelings?
To understand falling love, you need a sense for how this
influence comes about. There is a purpose to it! For good or bad, we all carry some
inherent programming in our minds to helps us find and stay with a life partner.
That's what falling in love is all about!
But, that programming isn't foolproof. You could think
of it almost like a mousetrap that's been set and is ready to spring. It's loaded
with energy, and it's waiting for the right trigger to set that energy loose. But
that trigger isn't that precise. At the right time, or the wrong time, that trigger
can let loose. Then, look out! The emotions that are unleashed can be very
powerful. And when things are not just right, we can end up in a painful situation.
Understanding how things work can make a big difference.
There is a method to our mind's madness of falling in love. The more we understand
the process; the more we understand what motivates that process; the more we learn
about the patterns that trigger in-love feelings; the more we know about how to
end run around the needs that drive the process; the more we can get into control
and make the process work for our happiness.
In Love and Loving It - Or Not! gives you the knowledge
and insight to make the process work better for you. And it can help you understand
what real love is about. Love is a noun and a verb. And when we start to
understand the meaning of love as a verb - as something we choose to do rather
than something we fall into - we set the stage for successful lifelong relationships
and happy marriages.
This knowledge is something that every one of us can use.
Whether you are a teen struggling with a crush, a young adult in first serious relationship,
thinking about marrying after falling in love, struggling with feelings for someone
who doesn't love you back, or even well into your marriage, In Love and Loving
It - Or Not! can show you how to make sense of your feelings, learn from
your experience, and be more successful in your relationships, and build a more
fulfilling life.
What's Inside?
Introduction to the conscious and unconscious
mind
Falling in Love -
Where it came from
What makes the ideal man
What makes the ideal woman
How it happens
Beauty chooses
Strength subverted
Why am I in love?
Nurturing
Mating
Getting control
Why him? Why her?
Our ideal - the imago
Who's there?
I'm in love with him, how do I get him?
I'm in love with her, how do I get her?
Help! I'm in love. How do I get out??!
Loving - Another matter
Love and In-love
No Alternative to real love
Growing through love- what to grow?
Falling in Love and Marriage
Love and Marriage
Codependence and Love
About the Author
Trained as both an engineer and a sport psychologist,
Richard Skerritt might not be the first person you'd expect to write a scholarly treatise on the
psychology of falling in love. Fortunately, In Love and Loving It
- Or Not! is no
dry scholarly tome! This book is about the practical realities of feelings and relationships,
and Skerritt brings some excellent experience to this task. The author of Tears and
Healing, he has been
guiding people around the English-speaking world in their relationships for over
five years. Through online groups and boards, he has a wealth of knowledge collected
from the shared experiences of many people.
In Love and Loving it - Or Not! originated
from ideas in a section of Tears and Healing, ideas that have already helped
many people deal with difficult situations where they are in-love - but with the
wrong people. An emotionally alive person, Skerritt has also been through his own
falling-in-love experiences twice in recent years - experience that contributes
to his simple but powerful understanding of how this amazing process works. Both
a formal and informal student of psychology, Skerritt has read extensively about
relationships, attraction, dating, and love, and synthesizes all of this into a
simple but meaningful explanation, expressed in his clear and simple style.
With training in science, engineering, and psychology,
Skerritt holds a BS in Biochemistry and a Masters in Chemical Engineering from Michigan
State University and a Graduate Certificate in Sport Psychology from Capella University.
His other books are Tears and Healing - the journey to the light after an abusive relationship
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,
Meaning from Madness - Understanding the Hidden Motivations of Disordered
Abusers: Narcissists, Borderlines, and Sociopaths
, and The Way of Respect
- Ancient Wisdom Adapted for Today.
Reader Review:
Reviewer: Helen
After reading Meaning from
Madness, my 17 and 13 year girls and I jumped at the chance to read your
findings on love, as we don't trust our judgment in choosing genuinely truly
loving partners or friends. I have already seen the 'falling in love' stage
again, and, then the change in infatuation, devotion, and effort after this
phase, which hurts and feels like I was deceived. Your book gave me great
understanding and objectivity here. I seek first to be complete in myself now,
and not dependant on another to give me that 'fullness and glow' for life. As a
result my new relationship is great, more loving, and less complicated by my
neediness. So well done, keep up your fabulous work.
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