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In Love and Loving It - Or Not!

A Users Guide to Love and Falling in Love by Richard Skerritt
Edition: Paperback, 96 pages
Price:   $16.00 -- $14.00 
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Availability: Usually ships by second mail pickup after order
Publisher: Dalkeith Press (2006)
ISBN: 1-933369-05-1  
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Falling in Love... 

Old black and white movies; Beauty and the Beast; happily ever after: man, we all want to fall in love. It’s the way the universe tells us who we belong with forever and ever. Nothing could be better. And sometimes, it works out that way… and sometimes not...       

Probably you've thought about falling love. Maybe you thought you understood what it was all about... until it happened. Then suddenly you were faced with crashing waves of emotions and discovered that the shore is sometimes rocky. Then you may have wondered:  

  • What is this strange phenomenon we call "falling in love"?  

  • Why did I fall in love with him, or her?

  • Why didn't he (or she) love me back?

  • Why do I fall in love in the first place?

  • What's the difference between falling in love and loving?   

  • What do love and falling in love have to do with a good marriage?     

Did you know that your mind works on more than one level? Of course you are aware of the reasoning - the thoughts that your mind is always processing. But did you know that underneath this, your mind subtly works on another level - one that we can only recognize by its influence through feelings?

To understand falling love, you need a sense for how this influence comes about. There is a purpose to it! For good or bad, we all carry some inherent programming in  our minds to helps us find and stay with a life partner. That's what falling in love is all about!

But, that programming isn't foolproof. You could think of it almost like a mousetrap that's been set and is ready to spring. It's loaded with energy, and it's waiting for the right trigger to set that energy loose. But that trigger isn't that precise. At the right time, or the wrong time, that trigger can let loose. Then, look out! The emotions that are unleashed can be very powerful. And when things are not just right, we can end up in a painful situation.

Understanding how things work can make a big difference. There is a method to our mind's madness of falling in love. The more we understand the process; the more we understand what motivates that process; the more we learn about the patterns that trigger in-love feelings; the more we know about how to end run around the needs that drive the process; the more we can get into control and make the process work for our happiness.

In Love and Loving It - Or Not! gives you the knowledge and insight to make the process work better for you. And it can help you understand what real love is about. Love is a noun and a verb. And when we start to understand the meaning of love as a verb -  as something we choose to do rather than something we fall into - we set the stage for successful lifelong relationships and happy marriages.

This knowledge is something that every one of us can use. Whether you are a teen struggling with a crush, a young adult in first serious relationship, thinking about marrying after falling in love, struggling with feelings for someone who doesn't love you back,  or even well into your marriage, In Love and Loving It - Or Not! can show you how to make sense of your feelings, learn from your experience, and be more successful in your relationships, and build a more fulfilling life.

What's Inside?

Introduction to the conscious and unconscious mind

Falling in Love -
    Where it came from
    What makes the ideal man
    What makes the ideal woman
    How it happens
    Beauty chooses
    Strength subverted

Why am I in love?
    Getting control

Why him? Why her?
    Our ideal - the imago
    Who's there?

I'm in love with him, how do I get him?

I'm in love with her, how do I get her?

Help! I'm in love. How do I get out??!

Loving - Another matter
    Love and In-love
    No Alternative to real love
    Growing through love- what to grow?

Falling in Love and Marriage

Love and Marriage

Codependence and Love

About the Author

Trained as both an engineer and a sport psychologist, Richard Skerritt might not be the first person you'd expect to write a scholarly treatise on the psychology of falling in love. Fortunately, In Love and Loving It - Or Not! is no dry scholarly tome! This book is about the practical realities of feelings and relationships, and Skerritt brings some excellent experience to this task. The author of Tears and Healing, he has been guiding people around the English-speaking world in their relationships for over five years. Through online groups and boards, he has a wealth of knowledge collected from the shared experiences of many people. 

In Love and Loving it - Or Not!  originated from ideas in a section of Tears and Healing, ideas that have already helped many people deal with difficult situations where they are in-love - but with the wrong people. An emotionally alive person, Skerritt has also been through his own falling-in-love experiences twice in recent years - experience that contributes to his simple but powerful understanding of how this amazing process works. Both a formal and informal student of psychology, Skerritt has read extensively about relationships, attraction, dating, and love, and synthesizes all of this into a simple but meaningful explanation, expressed in his clear and simple style.

With training in science, engineering, and psychology, Skerritt holds a BS in Biochemistry and a Masters in Chemical Engineering from Michigan State University and a Graduate Certificate in Sport Psychology from Capella University. His other books are Tears and Healing - the journey to the light after an abusive relationship - , Meaning from Madness - Understanding the Hidden Motivations of Disordered Abusers: Narcissists, Borderlines, and Sociopaths , and The Way of Respect - Ancient Wisdom Adapted for Today.

Reader Review:

Reviewer: Helen
After reading Meaning from Madness, my 17 and 13 year girls and I jumped at the chance to read your findings on love, as we don't trust our judgment in choosing genuinely truly loving partners or friends. I have already seen the 'falling in love' stage again, and, then the change in infatuation, devotion, and effort after this phase, which hurts and feels like I was deceived. Your book gave me great understanding and objectivity here. I seek first to be complete in myself now, and not dependant on another to give me that 'fullness and glow' for life. As a result my new relationship is great, more loving, and less complicated by my neediness. So well done, keep up your fabulous work.


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