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 Books on Abusive Relationships by Richard Skerritt 
Why They
do It

Meaning from
Madness - $20
Your Feelings
and Decisions

Tears and
Healing - $24

In Love and Loving
It - or Not! - $14
Seeing the
Big Picture

Tears & Healing
Reflections - $24

Surviving the
Storm - $24
Patterns of

The Hypervigilant
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Online Support Groups

Online support groups (lists) are a powerful force you can tap for your personal growth.

In these groups, people write about their experiences. Sometimes we ask for advice; sometimes for encouragement or support; sometimes we just need to spit out what is on our minds. I relied on two or three such groups when things were at their worst. They are excellent because we give one another lots of truthful, positive messages – messages that help us overcome the brainwashing and mind spin of our sick partners (or ex-partners). Members come from all over the world, from different time zones, and so someone is often around to respond if we need to post about a bad situation.

In support groups (lists), the members share either by email or through a web board. The groups below all use both. When a member wants to share, he/she sends and email to the list address, or posts it to the board. If an email, it's addressed to the name of the list and it's sent to a list server, which is a big mail server computer. The list server takes each message, whether it came by email or by board posting, and relays the message by modifying the title to include the list name. It sends that as an email to everyone on the list. It also posts it on the board.

Now, it’s a big internet, and I don't know about all the lists that are out there. I'll just point you to the lists I personally know about and can vouch for. This is February, 2005, and things change with time, so use your judgment.

Is a Personality Disorder Involved?

Before you join a group, it helps to know what kind you want. I’m going to give suggestions here for several types (non means a person affected by another person with the disorder). If your SO is an alcoholic, I encourage you to look at the pages that are linked below and scan the characteristics that define these personality disorders. Although AA, Al-Anon, and the alcoholic support communities like to look at alcoholism as an isolated disease, it is not. It is often co-morbid, or simultaneous with, other mental health issues. The groups I'll list fall into these categories:

If you’re not sure whether a particular PD (personality disorder) is involved, these links may help you sort it out:

For borderline personality disorder, try:

For Narcissistic personality disorder, try:

For antisocial personality disorder, try:

The links above are information and "self-diagnosis" and will help you single out one or more of these disorders that may be involved.

Non-BPD Support Groups

These are groups for people who been involved with someone who has BPD or its behaviors. The lists I personally know of and have participated in are:

WelcomeToOz - a general support list for those (non-BPs) whose partner have borderline personality disorder or BP traits. This list is big list and generates a lot of mail.

WTOStaying - a related list that welcomes those who want to stay in their BP relationship, or still have value for their BPSO even if they can't stay

WTOTransitions - a list for those "in transition" during or after a BP relationship, dealing with personal growth issues and self-awareness.

WTODivorcing - which focuses on the issues in divorcing a BP spouse

The WTO has a whole family of lists that focus on special aspects of non problems, like co-parenting. The crazy behavior is not that different among these three disorders, so a list like WTODivorcing might be helpful for someone divorcing a narcissist:
WTO Support Groups

BPD411Intro - a large list, for all aspects of non-BP relationships

Non-NPD/APD Support Group

There used to be 3 that I knew of here. Two merged and one slipped away... This group is for people who been involved with someone who is narcissistic or sociopathic:

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery - For survivors of a relationships with a narcissist or psychopath.

Related Info

Also, these websites have resources and additional links for those in relationships with a BP, NP, or AP partner:

BPDCentral.com - Information, books, and links about BPD and non-BP relationships

BPDresources.com - Extensive, organized links to web info about BPD and other disorders

HealthyPlace Narcissistic Personality Disorder Community - A good introduction to Narcissistic Personality disorder. Check out the articles

Of course there are many other groups out there, and I don’t mean limit anyone’s thinking to just these. Find a group that works for you and use it.

How Do I Cope with this Abusive Relationship?

Tears and Healing - the Path to the Light after an Abusive Relationship explores the feelings, issues, and decisions that we face in an abusive relationship. Brings out the issues of reconnecting with your reality; detaching from the abusive treatment; understanding how the disorder affects you; dealing with love and attraction; obligation to marriage; and healing the hurt of the abuse. More about this book.

Tears and Healing comes in all our packages  at a savings.

Light Bulb Pack
Start understanding
your abusive intimate Relationship

Are you divorcing an abusive spouse? Did you know the nastiest behavior may be narcissistic? behavior may be narcissistic?

Surviving the Storm - Strategies and Realities for Divorcing a Narcissist
More about this book

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