Tears and Healing was written "in the furnace" of my own abusive relationship.
That was now a long time ago, and since then I've spent a lot of time and effort
writing about abusive relationships and consulting in person with people struggling
to escape from them. That work has led to new understanding, and to new perspectives
on the subjects covered in the original Tears and Healing. This new understanding
and perspective is collected in Tears and Healing Reflections.
Like its predecessor, Tears and Healing Reflections is a collection
of independent essays. It includes my latest thinking on the overlap between borderline
personality disorder and narcissism, in The Narcissist/Borderline Spectrum. I also
explain my latest perspectives on the basic psychological dynamic that causes the
behaviors we see with these disorders. Building from that, several essays deal with
holidays, and why holidays are so difficult, and why our disordered partners and
family members always seem to lose it around holidays. I reflect on 9/11, and how
the losses in our own lives make that anniversary a particularly difficult one for
For the first time, I give my basic definition of "What is Abuse?" The book
also includes new essays on Living with an Alcoholic, and what that means; Living
with a Narcissist, and how to recognize that; Living with a Borderline; and what
that means. I offer my own practical definitions to identify the three abusive personality
disorders: borderline, narcissistic, and sociopathic (aka antisocial). These definitions
are simpler and identify more uniquely what disorder may be causing abusive behavior.
I describe the paradox of abusive behavior, and why we so often fail to understand
a disordered partner though we try and try. I address codependence, what it means
and what you should think about it, especially if you think you "have" codependence.
I give an updated library list of all the books and resourses that I've read or
drawn from in my own recovery and my subsequent writing.
And finally, Tears and Healing Reflections lives up to
its title, including a number of sections where I offer my more current reflections
on sections from the original Tears and Healing.
Many of the sections in that book are short, and often my reflections on these sections
are longer than the original essay. The originals were written mostly in the moment,
and with time I've gained new insight and knowledge that allows me to elaborate on those original messages, and in some cases offer even broader insight.
All told, Tears and Healing Reflections offers a rich
spectrum of insight and guidance; a collection that surprised even me in its impact
when I first assembled it. I've you've read and liked
Tears and Healing , and still feel you're learning
and changing, then Tears and Healing Reflections is sure
to offer you new insights and inspiration in your journey.
Richard Skerritt, aka Richard, 21CP, and author of Tears and Healing