Author's Description
When I consult with people trying to deal with abusive relationships, I spend a
good portion of the time helping them understand which disorder(s) they're dealing
with, what defense mechanisms their disordered partner is using that cause much
of their behavior, and the impact of alcohol or drug abuse on top of the disorder.
After a while the light went on: "I should write a book!"
This is that book. It lays out three essential phenomenon that everyone needs to
understand. First, I give my own essential dynamic for each of borderline, narcissistic,
and antisocial (sociopathic) personality disorder. This is the underlying psychological
stress that drives each disorder. Unlike the lists of "criteria" that are norally
used to define each of these disorders, I reduce each disorder to one key motivating
dynamic that I believe can reliably help to identify and understand.
Second, I describe the psychological defense mechanisms
that are most often used by these people to try to stabilize their distorted reality
and maintain their perception of safety. These distortions of reality, of which the disorderd person is unaware,
are a major cause of confustion for us. Third, I describe the significant impact
that alcohol and drug use have when added to an underlying personality disorder.
This frequent "comorbid" problem can confound and confuse if you don't understand
how it interplays with the disorder.
This book is designed specifically for people who are trying to understand and deal
with an abusive relationship. It covers all three of the disorders that we see over
and over in my online support group for people in abusive situations. It's not focused
on a particular disorder and so it doesn't oversell one, as some single-disorder
books do. It's a practical collection of real peoples' experience, and it reflects
the reality that almost all abusers have a narcissistic dynamic - at least some
of the time. And most abusers have some elements of other disorders as well. This
is why I call these three personality disorders the abusive disorders, and in actuality
most abusers have some elements of each.
If you've read my other books you know I don't waste words, and this small book
will be a tremendous help to everyone trying to deal with the raging, control, distortion,
demands, and despair of an abusive situation.
Richard Skerritt, aka Richard, 21CP, and author of Tears and Healing
Reader Reviews:
Reviewer: Luann
Richard, I wish I had read your book years before now. The night I sat and read your book, I was overwhelmed with relief, frustration and anger. I found what you talked about in your book to be true...that narcissistic people don't "love" themselves… and this was always very confusing to me when I tried to apply it to my husband. In some ways he acts like he does but, your analysis was dead on. I finally understand the person I am living with. The sad part about this sickness is that no one else sees what I see and feel living with him. I've tried to explain it to my family but, I never felt like they believed me. It is a disease that is "madness" as you say for the victims.
Thank you so much for writing this book and revealing the truth about these disorders.
Reviewer: Mary Beth
I am the daughter of an NPD mother. I finished Meaning from Madness the
same day I received it. It is absolutely excellent and so very, very helpful. The
best user-friendly writing on the subject I have ever found, bar none.
Reviewer: Janet
I want to thank
you for the information that literally helped save me. On my darkest days your writing
gave me the strength to hang on to what I knew was the right path. You helped me
to understand that, even though I felt strong feelings of love for someone that
led me to hope, he was unlikely to change. Your words turned my feelings into
thoughts, and those thoughts into actions.
A year and a half
later, I am living a truly authentic life. As you told me in your writing,
it took time along with the sustained positive input of the good people that surround
me. Thank you, Richard, for doing what you do so well. I am forever grateful.
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