Online Support Groups
Online support groups (lists) are a powerful force you can tap for your
In these groups, people write about their experiences. Sometimes we ask for
advice; sometimes for encouragement or support; sometimes we just need to spit
out what is on our minds. I relied on two or three such groups when things were
at their worst. They are excellent because we give one another lots of truthful,
positive messages – messages that help us overcome the brainwashing and mind
spin of our sick partners (or ex-partners). Members come from all over the
world, from different time zones, and so someone is often around to respond if
we need to post about a bad situation.
In support groups (lists), the members share either by email or through a web
board. The groups below all use both. When a member wants to share, he/she sends
and email to the list address, or posts it to the board. If an email, it's
addressed to the name of the list and it's sent to a list server, which is a big
mail server computer. The list server takes each message, whether it came by
email or by board posting, and relays the message by modifying the title to
include the list name. It sends that as an email to everyone on the list. It
also posts it on the board.
Now, it’s a big internet, and I don't know about all the lists that are out
there. I'll just point you to the lists I personally know about and can vouch
for. This is February, 2005, and things change with time, so use your judgment.
Is a Personality Disorder Involved?
Before you join a group, it helps to know what kind you want. I’m going
to give suggestions here for several types (non means a person affected by another
person with the disorder). If your SO is an alcoholic, I encourage you to look
at the pages that are linked below and scan the characteristics that define
these personality disorders. Although AA, Al-Anon, and the alcoholic support
communities like to look at alcoholism as an isolated disease, it is not. It is
often co-morbid, or simultaneous with, other mental health issues. The groups
I'll list fall into these categories:
- Non-BP (borderline personality disorder) groups;
- Non-NP (narcissistic personality disorder) groups;
- Non-AS (antisocial personality disorder, aka sociopaths, psychopaths) groups;
If you’re not sure whether a particular PD (personality disorder) is involved,
these links may help you sort it out:
For borderline personality disorder, try:
For Narcissistic personality disorder, try:
For antisocial personality disorder, try:
The links above are information and “self-diagnosis” and will help you single
out one or more of these disorders that may be involved.
Non-BPD Support Groups
These are groups for people who been involved with someone who has BPD or its
behaviors. The lists I personally know of and have participated in are:
a general support list for those (non-BPs) whose
partner have borderline personality disorder or BP traits. This list is big list
and generates a lot of mail.
WTOStaying - a related
list that welcomes those who want to stay in their BP relationship, or still
have value for their BPSO even if they can't stay
WTOTransitions - a
list for those "in transition" during or after a BP relationship, dealing with
personal growth issues and self-awareness.
WTODivorcing - which
focuses on the issues in divorcing a BP spouse
The WTO has a whole family of lists that focus on special aspects of non
problems, like co-parenting. The crazy behavior is not that different among
these three disorders, so a list like WTODivorcing might be helpful for someone
divorcing a narcissist.
BPD411Intro - a large
list, for all aspects of non-BP relationships
Non-NPD/APD Support Group
There used to be 3 that I knew of here. Two merged and one slipped away... This
group is for people who been involved with someone who is narcissistic or
Recovery - For survivors of a relationships with a narcissist or psychopath.
Also, these websites have resources and additional links for those in
relationships with a BP, NP, or AP
BPDCentral.com - Information, books, and
links about BPD and non-BP relationships
BPDresources.com - Extensive, organized
links to web info about BPD and other disorders
HealthyPlace Narcissistic Personality Disorder Community
- A good introduction to Narcissistic Personality disorder. Check out the
Of course there are many other groups out there, and I don’t mean limit anyone’s
thinking to just these. Find a group that works for you and use it.
How Do I Cope with this Abusive Relationship?
Tears and Healing - the Path to the Light after an Abusive Relationship
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