Richard Skerritt's books on Abusive Relationships
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Online Support Groups
Online support groups (lists) are a powerful force you can tap for your personal
In these groups, people write about their experiences. Sometimes we ask for advice;
sometimes for encouragement or support; sometimes we just need to spit out what
is on our minds. I relied on two or three such groups when things were at their
worst. They are excellent because we give one another lots of truthful, positive
messages – messages that help us overcome the brainwashing and mind spin of our
sick partners (or ex-partners). Members come from all over the world, from different
time zones, and so someone is often around to respond if we need to post about a
In support groups (lists), the members share either by email or through a web board.
The groups below all use both. When a member wants to share, he/she sends and email
to the list address, or posts it to the board. If an email, it's addressed to the
name of the list and it's sent to a list server, which is a big mail server computer.
The list server takes each message, whether it came by email or by board posting,
and relays the message by modifying the title to include the list name. It sends
that as an email to everyone on the list. It also posts it on the board.
Now, it’s a big internet, and I don't know about all the lists that are out there.
I'll just point you to the lists I personally know about and can vouch for. This
is February, 2005, and things change with time, so use your judgment.
Is a Personality Disorder Involved?
Before you join a group, it helps to know what kind you want. I’m going to give
suggestions here for several types (non means a person affected by another person
with the disorder). If your SO is an alcoholic, I encourage you to look at the pages
that are linked below and scan the characteristics that define these personality
disorders. Although AA, Al-Anon, and the alcoholic support communities like to look
at alcoholism as an isolated disease, it is not. It is often co-morbid, or simultaneous
with, other mental health issues. The groups I'll list fall into these categories:
- Non-BP (borderline personality disorder) groups;
- Non-NP (narcissistic personality disorder) groups;
- Non-AS (antisocial personality disorder, aka sociopaths, psychopaths) groups;
If you’re not sure whether a particular PD (personality disorder) is involved, these
links may help you sort it out:
For borderline personality disorder, try:
For Narcissistic personality disorder, try:
For antisocial personality disorder, try:
The links above are information and “self-diagnosis” and will help you single out
one or more of these disorders that may be involved.
Non-BPD Support Groups
These are groups for people who been involved with someone who has BPD or its behaviors.
The lists I personally know of and have participated in are:
a general support list for those (non-BPs) whose partner have borderline personality
disorder or BP traits. This list is big list and generates a lot of mail.
WTOStaying - a related list
that welcomes those who want to stay in their BP relationship, or still have value
for their BPSO even if they can't stay
WTOTransitions - a list
for those "in transition" during or after a BP relationship, dealing with
personal growth issues and self-awareness.
WTODivorcing - which focuses
on the issues in divorcing a BP spouse
The WTO has a whole family of lists that focus on special aspects of non problems,
like co-parenting. The crazy behavior is not that different among these three disorders,
so a list like WTODivorcing might be helpful for someone divorcing a narcissist.
BPD411Intro - a large list,
for all aspects of non-BP relationships
Non-NPD/APD Support Group
There used to be 3 that I knew of here. Two merged and one slipped away... This
group is for people who been involved with someone who is narcissistic or sociopathic:
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
- For survivors of a relationships with a narcissist or psychopath.
Also, these websites have resources and additional links for those in relationships
with a BP, NP, or AP partner:
BPDCentral.com - Information, books, and links
about BPD and non-BP relationships
BPDresources.com - Extensive, organized links
to web info about BPD and other disorders
HealthyPlace Narcissistic Personality Disorder Community
- A good introduction to Narcissistic Personality disorder. Check out the articles.
Of course there are many other groups out there, and I don’t mean limit anyone’s
thinking to just these. Find a group that works for you and use it.
Are you divorcing an abusive spouse? Did you know the nastiest behavior may be narcissistic?
behavior may be narcissistic?
Surviving the Storm - Strategies and Realities for Divorcing a Narcissist
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