with Richard Skerritt, Author of Tears & Healing.
When you're coming to grips with the discovery
that a partner or family member may have a personality disorder, or you first
begin to take steps to deal with someone's abusive behavior, the information
that confronts you can be overwhelming. It's obvious that some of the
things you read about apply, but putting together a clear picture can still be difficult.
Now you can take advantage of my experience
and insight to help you face this challenge.
I've been mentoring people through online groups for since 2000. I've read
extensively about relationships and the personality disorders most often seen in
abusive situations - borderline, narcissistic, and antisocial (sociopathic). And
I've been talking in consultation since 2005 with people struggling with abusive
situations. Together these experiences give me a commanding understanding of the
family experience of living with a disordered abuser. My
background is outlined below.
Most of my personal consultations follow a similar course. In general, it takes
people 20-25 minutes to lay out the history of their relationship (often several
relationships) so that I have a sense of what they're facing. With that
background, I usually beginning by explaining which personality disorder
dynamics make most sense for the behaviors that have been described. I also
spend some time explaining the psychological defense mechanisms that disordered
people use, to make sense of some of the behavior patterns. If you find my
writing insightful, imagine that level of insight applied to the specifics of
your situation and explained specifically for you. Most people find it very
enlightening. I share some client comments below.
Since my offering is consulting, as opposed to counseling or therapy, I spend a
significant part of each session giving my interpretation, explanations, and
recommendations. Almost always, I spend part of the time offering suggestions
for what each client can do to move toward their goals around their current
relationship and their desired future relationships. Consistent with my belief
that no one else can make major life decisions for us, I never tell people what
is right or wrong for them.
Often I get a sense of the basic underlying desires
that people have, and I give suggestions for both personal learning and personal
growth activities that people can use to move closer to their goals. Many of the
people I talk with feel some shame for the decisions and choices they have made.
I ensure people that their choices usually have been perfectly reasonable, and
that everyone struggles to cope with the deception and controlling behaviors of
Most people use one 50 min consultation, and this enough to answer many
questions and lay out a basic path forward. Some clients choose to talk again
after taking a few weeks to process what we've discussed. Many take they insight
they gain from the consultation back to their counselors or therapists to follow
are by phone. To arrange a consultation, please email or phone me at the contacts above.
After we've arranged a time, you can make payment here:
If you'd like to pay first, that's ok, but please call or email (see
page top) to arrange a time. Your purchase is processed automatically so
it may not be seen.
What Clients Say:
Thanks for a powerful and totally informative session. Our call totally
opened my eyes about the woman that I was dating. Honestly, that one hour
call provided me with more information about BPD and how to cope with
someone with it than in six months of therapy with my shrink. You listened
well and could therefore translate my problems into some practical
solutions. I'm really happy right now -- I feel that there is hope for me.
YEAH!!! I can break free!! --Alan
Richard, thank you so much for
the talk yesterday, it's made a big difference in the way I'm feeling today.
You have a wonderful way of making things clear. -- Patty
Consulting with you was one of the wisest investments I've made in quite a
while. I remain in awe of how inadequate I felt to accurately describe my
current situation/problem. Yet somehow you managed to quickly decipher the
critical issues and provide me with more useful commentary/sound advice than
either of the therapists (MDs) I had worked with for months. Your analyses and
suggestions were dead on! In fact, I journaled them, so that I could review each
one daily until they become part of a permanent new belief system and I'm able
to act on them accordingly. Thank you for guiding me closer to the light of
accepting what is... --Marianne
Thank you Richard for our too brief but very, very helpful consultation.. I
have grown stronger from your words of understanding and validation. Thank you.
The 50 minute private session I had with you was more helpful than hours and
hours of therapy. It truly showed that I had a situation that was "crazy making"
and that I was not crazy. I am following your advice and have begun to find the
peace I hear others talk about. Thanks --G.
My Background and Qualifications:
Author and Publisher of Tears and Healing,
The journey to the light after an abusive relationship; Meaning from
Madness, Understanding the Hidden Patterns that Motivate Abusers:
Narcissists, Borderlines, and Sociopaths;
In Love and Loving It - Or Not! A User's Guide to Love and Falling Love; and
The Way of Respect, Ancient Wisdom Adapted for Today.
Mentor to others in abusive relationships,
in online support groups, 2000-2006
Author and Publisher of the Path to the
Light and Tears and Healing web sites, 2001-2006
Owner and moderator of the TearsandHealing
yahoo group- an online support group 2004-2006
Graduate Certificate in Sport Psychology,
Capella U, 2004
Engineering Consultant, DuPont
MS in Chemical Engineering, Michigan State
BS in Biochemistry, Michigan State U, 1978
I am not a licensed mental health care
provider and I do not treat mental illness. I offer consulting, not diagnosis or
treatment. I recommend that everyone consulting with me should take
advantage of counseling or therapy.
21CP is a pseudonym used online for
many years in anonymous groups. Such groups maintain anonymity to protect
members from retribution by significant others and to protect children and ex-SO's
from embarrassment. I continue to use a pseudonym to protect the privacy of my
children and their mother.